Dick Stetmeyer

Seen in episodes: All

Occupation: Administrator of Humanidyne

Full name: Richard Stetmeyer

Dick is the administrator of Humanidyne, which puts him in the not-so-enviable position of being H.I.T.'s boss. He tries, he really does, to keep them in line and get them to do projects that are productive for the company, but he just never seems to make the sort of progress in that direction that he'd like to.

He's in charge of the fiscal responsibilities of the lab as well, and gets on Billy and El's case about their expenses and infractions such as using an expensive incubator for keeping their pizza warm.

Dick is a super-worrier and can easily overreact to the smallest things – although, the Misfits don't really do a lot to alleviate the need for him to worry about what they're up to, so he has good cause most of the time to jump to the worst-case conclusion.

Dick is incredibly safety conscious, but he can't impress this on to any of the others. When asked by a safety inspector about the building containing the H.I.T. labs, Dick chose to lie about it not being part of Humanidyne because he just couldn't have taken it if the inspector had gotten even the slightest notion of how the lab was run.

Despite the arguments or friction that goes on, Dick is sympathetic and loyal when he needs to be. He covered for the Misfits having had the stolen dolphin in the lab, he uncharacteristically helped them to smuggle Link out of the habitat, and he was positively noble when it came to clearing Billy's name of spy charges.

History & Relationship...

...with Billy

Even though Dick is the superior, and is the one who has to answer to the board, Billy is the dominant one in their interactions and basically runs the lab his own way after courteously listening to Dick's requests and pleads. Dick is always hounding Billy about some project or report that hasn't been finished, and Billy tries to get Dick to see things from his more freewheeling point of view. Neither of them meets with much success.

...with El

Probably the only issue Dick could take with El is that El goes along with Billy on all the harebrained schemes Billy cooks up, otherwise they get on fine. El tries harder than Billy does to keep things running smoothly between Dick and the lab, even worrying "No way I'm gonna be able to explain this to Stetmeyer" when they skipped out on the memory reports to go find Angel.

...with Johnny B

Dick doesn't have much patience for Johnny B's type, calling him an "overcharged rock 'n' roller", and he especially dislikes the electrical problems Humanidyne experiences during tests that involve Johnny B. However, when Dick was uninhibited at the club on his birthday, he told the Misfits: "I want you to know that you can talk to me", and added to Johnny B: "Well, you... No, you can talk to me!"

...with Gloria

Dick and Gloria don't interact much when she's at Humanidyne, but he always has a 'hi' for her when he sees her in the lab. He's somewhat protective of her – worried about her meeting the others at the club (because of her age) and also trying to help her remain calm when they were down in the sewer. He has a little trouble watching things move invisibly when Gloria uses her telekinesis, so he avoids watching it.

Fashion

Dick wears 3-piece suits in black or administrative browns and grays that are always done up properly with an accenting tie. He wears his glasses occasionally, carries a handkerchief (useful for when something starts smoking in the lab), and sometimes has his briefcase with him.

Trivia

He prefers to be called Dick, but Billy still calls him Richard.
He and his ex-wife had planned a trip to Paris once.
He suggested the Happy Day Inn as a meeting point to Jasper, remembering it from Billy and Sarah's escapades in the past.
He owns a split-level in Encino, California – his home.
His office number at Humanidyne is 191. His secretary is Miss Jobs.
He's not a pretty picture if he gets sozzled.
He has a company car.
When Billy was arrested for stealing Vivatech's animals, Dick went out of his way to pay his bail for him in the middle of the night.
For his birthday, the Misfits took Dick out with them to the club Johnny B was playing at.
He carries a beeper with him when he's not at Humanidyne in case he needs to be told of an emergency.
He plays golf on weekends, and has a pair of "lucky chevron pants" that he first broke a hundred in.

Links:

Miss Jobs Alt Dick Humanidyne & H.I.T.

Quotes

Dick: Do you know how many strings I had to pull to get them out? Do you? ... Several. That's how many.And I had to pull them very thin and very, very tight.	(03)
Dick: I was hoping that Hayes and Lincoln would— Crackpots? I don't know about that. Uh, you know, at Humanidyne here— I'm Dick Stetmeyer. ... And why is that funny?	(05)
Dick: Now don't for one minute think this is company policy. I'm on my own time here.	(05)
Dick: You know, Major, I'd like to handle this on a friendly basis. But I want you to know at the outset: I'm not without friends in Washington. Washington D.C.	(05)
Dick: This man you're pushing. He wouldn't happen to be dead?	(06)
Dick: Gosh, I hate to ask this, but, does anyone else have the feeling that we're being watched?	(06)
Dick: Hurry! But, hurry, uh, slowly, if—if you could.	(06)
Dick (making a toast, with nobody else around): Here's to the end of an otherwise fabulous career.	(06)
Dick: Foul play. Just what I needed.	(06)
Dick (sarcastically, after the 'physician's friend' machine shorts out): Does it come in different colors?	(07)
Dick: Do you think that – in a parallel universe – they all respect me?	(07)
Dick: Oh, a talking stolen dolphin. That's a lot better. Maybe he can testify at your arraignment!	(07)
Dick (covering for why there was dolphin food in the lab): John. John, I have some bad news for you. Your fish died.	(07)
Dick: It takes a shameless person to lie to a mouse.	(08)
Dick: Vivatech, Hayes? Vivatech? Are you up to the Vs now, in the list of corporations in front of which you wish to embarrass Humanidyne? Billy: Richard. It's just a slight misunderstanding, Richard, okay? Dick: Do you know what it takes to raise fifty thousand dollars, cash, in the middle of the night? Do you, Hayes? Do you? Billy: No. Dick: Neither did I. Now though, Mr. Chico – of Chico's Bail Bonds – holds the mortgage to a modest split-level in Encino. My home. Billy: Richard. And I appreciate that. I really do. And if you're ever in the can, I want you to know to call me. I mean that. Dick: Mr. Chico would only give twenty thousand for my house, so I had to get the rest of it from the Humanidyne discretionary fund. I said it was for office supplies. Billy: That'll work. Dick: That won't work! !! That won't work! I only pray that you can clear these charges before the bookkeeper at Humanidyne discovers a requisition for thirty thousand dollars worth of staples. Staples. Thirty thousand dollars worth of staples. Billy: Thank you, Richard. Thank you. Dick: Before I sign over everything I own – and a lot of what I don't own – will you do me one thing? Would you look me in the eye? I want you to look me in the eye. I want you to tell me you didn't do it. Billy: I didn't do it, Richard. Dick: That means nothing.	(11)
Dick (after showing the board what the Misfits do): They didn't get it.	(14)
Dick: Please, please call me Dick!	(15)
Billy: El, look! It's working! It's working. It's the—it was the wintergreen, not the spearmint. How could I have been such an idiot? Dick: We could form a study group.	(15)
Dick: Oh? I'm—I'm ruining everything? I'm ruining— Humanidyne is infested with fleas! Two guys in accounting had to be dipped today!	(16)
Dick: I'm gonna catch the real spy. Billy, you'll be proud of me. I—I've laid a trap.	(17)

—Consternation

Dick: Probation! My god, the board could put me on probation. I could lose my company car!	(03)
Dick: Oh, but you don't understand. That's the normal, sensible way to do things. I don't think that'll even occur to them. You see, by now they've had time to think of – God help us – a plan.	(05)
Dick: Can it blow up? El: No. Dick: Ever? El: No!	(10)
Dick: When the board nominated me for liaison with the museum, they were counting on me. Billy, they're counting on me. If anything happens tonight, if anything spoils this exhibit it'll—this'll mean my career.	(06)
Dick: Poison gas. Poison gas! Poison gas! Poison—	(10)
Dick: Bill. Listen, Bill. The safety inspector's here. Today. I thought he was done. He thought he was done. He—he—he—he went to his car – we were walking to his car – he said, 'What's that building over there?' I said – I had to lie – I said, 'I don't know. I-I—it's not ours'. I said, 'It's a condominium'.	(10)
Dick: M-o-b? M-o-b? Are we talking organized crime here? Johnny B: Right. They're selling protection and they own a couple cops. Dick: Are we seriously talking about those middle-aged men with the funny nicknames?	(16)
Dick: It's back! It's not mine. I mean, you saw me not put it in there, right? Uh—uh—uh—you have it now, on film, that this is not mine.	(17)
Dick: Somebody's trying to torture me to death.	(17)
Dick: They have my voice. First they have your voice, then they have your soul.	(17)

—Administration

Dick: To give me your reports, right? Wrong? I knew it. Even after I said not to. Even after I said please not to—	(03)
Dick: Wait. Billy. This is an experiment, isn’t it? I mean, if adventure has a name, it’s not ‘Billy Hayes’. Am I correct?	(03)
Dick: Billy, it's not up to me. If it were up to me, you could have those results, this hour, this minute, this second. It's just simply not up to me.	(04)
Dick: They told me this was going on a-and I didn't believe 'em. I-I-I said to myself: "How–how could they be doing this to me. They know about my ulcer". Do you realize what the board would do if it found out about this? Humanidyne scientists fooling around with flying saucers.	(04)
Dick: It's absurd. And I'm not going to have Humanidyne implicated. I don't wanna see you in this computer room anymore. I don't want you involved in this project anymore, at all. Period.	(04)
Dick: Hayes, is this your idea of a hundred and forty-three dollar joke?	(05)
Dick: I'm still speaking, Hayes. Where are you going?	(05)
Dick: Billy, I know you do important work here, but do you ever do anything that brings in money?	(07)
Dick: Don't you gentlemen ever do anything for the company in here?	(08)
Dick: I could not believe my ears when my beeper went off. Why would the security division at Humanidyne call me in the middle of a Saturday? Was it a nuclear accident? Was it germ warfare? Was it the plague? You know what that—you know what that guard said to me? Billy: I gave that guy five bucks. Dick: That you gave him five bucks to keep him quiet! Billy, you must understand that I – and I alone – am responsible for everything that happens in the H.I.T. lab.	(14)
Dick: A jinx. Oh ho. This is an institute of science. A jinx is not scientific. A jinx, in fact, does not exist. I forbid you— You're no longer authorized to work on anything that does not exist.	(14)
Dick: Look, party on your own time, Hayes. I want that report, and I want it now.	(15)

Dick