Transcript 4

Transcript – 04

========== 0:00 to 1:44 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s house:

interior – Harry’s garage:

In his garage - surrounded by a jumble of equipment, 60’s posters, and star charts - Harry is working on one of his machines. He's turned the radio on, but it's playing Muzak.

HARRY: [to radio:] Too supermarket.

The voice-activated radio changes stations, to one playing classical music.

HARRY: [to radio:] Too PBS.

The radio changes stations, to one playing a 70's song.

HARRY: [to radio:] Too ‘Dance Fever’. Please!

The radio changes station, to one playing “Hey, Jude”. Harry smiles and turns the volume up. As he turns back to his work his attention is drawn to a screen nearby, where a long string of binary code is appearing. Harry looks to his printer, where the same string of numbers is being printed out automatically.

HARRY: [in awe:] There it is. My god.

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s backyard:

Harry’s wife, Jude, his daughter, Jessica, and his son, Josh, are attempting to cook burger patties on a grill of Harry’s design. The grill spins faster and the patties fly off of it.

JOSH: Oh, terrific.

JUDE: He just fixed this last week.

The 3 of them pick up the patties and halfheartedly brush them off.

JUDE: [with a sigh:] When your father built this, he thought it would be a gold mine. And all we ever got out of it is dirty hamburgers.

interior – Harry’s garage:

Harry is trying to isolate the signal.

HARRY: [calling:] Josh!

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s backyard:

HARRY: [from the garage:] I need some help in here, babe!

Josh ignores the summons as he, Jude, and Jessica return the burger patties to the grill.

JOSH: [long-sufferingly:] Bobby and Kelp are giving me a ride to work. I mean, I really want them to find me in there on the starship Enterprise, right?

JUDE: C’mon, Josh. He’s your father.

JOSH: All my dad is, is a flake.

Josh walks off. Jude tries to defend Harry.

JUDE: He’s a scientist who—

Jessica cuts in and finishes in her best stern voice.

JESSICA: Would have graduated first in his class if he’d have stayed, Josh. And she won’t have you talking this way.

Josh leans against the satellite dish, his opinion not swayed in the slightest.

JOSH: Well then, what’s he doing in there looking for Wookies? It’s embarrassing.

Jude and Jessica look at him.

interior – Harry’s garage:

Harry checks the data against his clear starmap globe.

HARRY: [to himself:] This is incredible. [calling:] Josh!

Harry walks back to the screen: the binary numbers are filling it.

HARRY: [to himself:] I did it. The eagle has landed. [calling, elated:] Josh, we’re talking to Mars!

The screen continues to display new numbers. Harry stares at it in amazement.

========== 1:44 to 3:06 ==========


========== 3:06 to 6:52 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Humanidyne grounds:

(Title and opening credits are shown.)

At the main gate, the gate guard lets a car through. Outside the “Janitorial And Maintenance Division”, Harry is pushing a cart full of test tubes, doing his job of test tube washer here at Humanidyne. He stops at some trash stacked against a wall when he notices something interesting thrown away there. He looks around to be sure nobody’s watching, humming to himself. He picks up the item, wraps it in the towel from over his shoulder, and stashes it on his cart. Billy and Dick arrive on the scene, Billy complaining to Dick.

BILLY: [angrily:] “Classified”? Oh, Richard, don’t tell me that!

DICK: Billy, they’re using it in a very important project. Uh, “goose” something. You should feel flattered.

BILLY: [angrily:]Flattered”? I feel stupid. I mean, El and I invented the damn thing. Don’t you think that they should show us the test results?

DICK: Billy, it’s not up to me. If it were up to me, you could have those results, this hour, this minute, this second. It’s just simply not up to me.

BILLY: Then who is it “simply up to”?

Billy veers off across the parking lot; Dick answers with a frustrated shake of his hand before following.

DICK: They won’t tell me.

Harry notices Billy and calls to him.

HARRY: Hey, Billy! Billy!

Harry runs to join Billy and Dick, who are now heading for the entrance to H.I.T. (The “Weird ‘R’ Us” sign is still on the wall)

HARRY: [excitedly:] Listen, you wanna hear something incredibly far out?

BILLY: [wearily:] I’d prefer something a little bit further in today, Harry, okay?


interior – Humanidyne:


Billy, Dick, and Harry come through the doors into the hallway.

DICK: [to Billy:] …and I respect your position, Billy, but it’s touchy. Touchy.

Ignoring Dick, Billy glances over at a man standing protectively over a lamp.

BILLY: [to Miss Nance:] Who’s the (???).

Miss Nance hands Billy a memo paper as she replies.

MISS NANCE: Leonard Sprocks. Says he only gets like this during mating season.

BILLY: Better watch his hands.

All the lights start flickering, including the lamp. Billy leaves; Dick and Harry trail after him.

HARRY: Billy, this’ll just take a second.

Miss Nance, with a stack of memo papers, also follows. After they leave, the guy at the lamp speaks comfortingly to the lamp.

GUY AT LAMP: It’s okay. They’re gone.

Billy heads for the lab; Dick, Harry, and Miss Nance come with him, each of them vying for his attention.

DICK: [angrily:] He’s here again, isn’t he?

HARRY: Billy, I’m really serious. Don’t you at least wanna hear?

MISS NANCE: James Marcus called. One of his legs is glowing.

The lights return to normal.

DICK: [angrily:] Four labs in the east building have already called to complain about electrical problems.

Dick holds up four fingers and shakes them at Billy, who walks backwards to face him while continuing toward the lab doors. Harry hangs back, waiting for a turn.

BILLY: [to Dick:] Hey. I’m really—I’m really offended on this. Okay, Richard? Because every time the generators go a little schizo around here, you think we got B-Man down here for testing or something.

h.i.t. lab:

Harry and Miss Nance enter the lab, which is abuzz with activity, as Billy backs through the open lab door and bumps into Johnny B. (So Dick is correct with his complaint?)

BILLY: [absently:] Hi, B-Man.

Billy heads off as Johnny B nods hello.

BILLY: [to techs:] Hey listen, guys. Can we get the test results back on the human fly now? It’s been, like, a week. C’mon.

Dick comes inside and stops behind Johnny B, who turns his attention back to the task in front of him: a shooting gallery that has photos of Billy, El, and Dick, each taped over one of three ducks. Johnny B goes into a gunslinger stance then fires off a bolt, ‘fastest gun in the West’ style - the bolt hits Dick’s photo square between the eyes. El, on the phone a few feet away, looks over at Johnny B with an approving smile.

EL: Nice shot.

JOHNNY B: [grinning:] Three Billy’s, two El’s, fourteen Stetmeyer’s.

Dick does a double take at the shooting gallery, then heads off with purpose as Johnny B grins after him.

BILLY: Alright. You guys blew it when you showed him the swatter.

TECH: Dr. Hayes.

Billy walks up to another experiment: 2 volunteers are sitting back-to-back, each with a clear bag on their heads like a hat. (These 2 volunteers will show up in subsequent episodes, in some elaborate experiment or other, usually together.)

TECH: We’re not getting a reading.

BILLY: No, I told ya. See, they can’t touch. If they touch, it doesn’t work.

Tech nods as Dick comes up behind Billy, looking back toward Johnny B and holding his briefcase up like a shield.

DICK: [to Billy:] I knew it. I knew it. Billy, he’s got to go.

But Billy is still talking to the tech.

BILLY: And some weird things are gonna happen.

Billy moves closer and points to the bags.

BILLY: He’s got a little smoke. See the smoke?

El stands up and holds the phone out toward Billy.

EL: It’s our landlord. He said he looked under the mat and the check wasn’t there.

Harry comes over and squeezes past Dick to get to Billy, who looks over at El.

BILLY: [to El:] Alright. Well, you tell ‘im I looked in the bathroom and the plumber wasn’t there. Okay?

Billy heads off around a work area.

EL: Billy, take the phone. I’m tired of talking to him.

Harry follows after Billy, trying again to get his news to him.

HARRY: Billy, Billy, I’ve gotta talk to you. It’s really very important, man.

Billy continues walking.

TECH: Dr. Hayes. Dr. Hayes. Will you come back here?

BILLY: Harry, look. This isn’t the time. I’m really busy here, okay? I just don’t have the—

Billy breaks off as he arrives at the other side the work area and Dick is blocking his way.

BILLY: Richard. Can you just…?

Billy demonstrates moving out of the way.

DICK: Oh. Excuse me. Excuse me.

BILLY: That’s okay.

Dick moves and Billy walks forward, arriving back where he started from.

TECH: [to Billy:] It’s still not working.

El holds out the phone to Billy again.

EL: [tiredly:] I’ve been listening to him for the last twenty minutes.

Harry joins them as Billy replies to El’s complaint.

BILLY: Okay. I talked to him last week. Look, Richard can’t give us our test results because of that “goose” something project.

Harry looks for an opening to break in.

BILLY: It’s classified.

Dick joins the group.

DICK: I’ve already made myself perfectly clear. If it were up to me

El cuts him off.

EL: Richard. Billy, just take the phone.

Harry grabs the phone from El and bursts out loudly.

HARRY: [taking off his glasses:] We’re talking about something of major significance here!

El, Dick, and Billy all pull back and stare at Harry, who realizes what he’s just done.

BILLY: Okay. Harry. You got the floor. What is it?

Harry looks embarrassed and thinks quickly.

HARRY: Dinner.

BILLY: [confused:] Excuse me?

Harry smiles, his embarrassment forgotten, and replaces his glasses.

HARRY: [excitedly:] I—I got something really far out I wa—I wanna show you guys and I-I figured if, uh, you and El and, uh, Johnny B, i-if he wants to—

Harry glances at Johnny B, who looks over noncommittally.

HARRY: Can come over to my house for dinner tomorrow night.

El isn’t too thrilled.

EL: Uh. Look, Harry, uh, we got— Tomorrow?

Harry thinks he has a winning argument.

HARRY: It’s, uh— I checked it out with Gloria and Jane – it’s cool with them.

Billy tries to think of an excuse.

BILLY: Harry, look. Um… We’d really like to – we’d love to – but it’s—it’s, uh, it’s gonna be impossible.

Harry’s smile falters.

BILLY: Uh, because the government’s doing this classified, uh, thing on our—

Billy glances to El, prompting him to back him up and El nods regretfully as Billy continues.

BILLY: On our—our new experiment.

Dick nods, too; Harry listens as Billy continues to add to the excuses.

BILLY: And we’ve got, uh, well, we’ve got a lot of stuff around here to clean up, and, um, I-I just— Some other time would be great.

Harry looks crestfallen.

BILLY: But—but not—not— We can’t do it, uh, right now.

Harry pretends he’s not disappointed.

HARRY: Hey. Yeah, uh, yeah. Listen, yeah, it’ll—it’ll keep. It’ll keep.

Harry returns the phone to El and heads off.

BILLY: Next time. Huh?

HARRY: Yeah, yeah. It’ll—it’ll keep.

Billy and El watch Harry go, feeling sorry for him.

BILLY: [trailing off:] We’ll do it next time.

Billy shrugs and turns back to work as a tech walks up.

BILLY: Alright, look. Guys? Mr. Wellington is coming this afternoon for his Freon check, okay? Let’s get the tumblers ready. And this time, let’s keep his temperature down. Okay, babe? Thanks.

The tech nods and Billy heads away to another part of the lab with El.

BILLY: Alright. Now what seems to be the problem here?

Dick and the 2 techs clear away as well, leaving the 2 ever-patient volunteers alone with their clear bags.

========== 6:52 to 7:06 ==========

exterior (daytime) – humanidyne grounds:

Harry exits the building and walks back to his cart he left by the trash stack. He sits down on the curb with a sigh and takes off his glasses, looking glum.

========== 7:06 to 8:37 ==========

interior – burger barn:

In the Burger Barn, Billy and El are at the counter.

BILLY: I gotta tell ya, it’s unconstitutional when the government classifies your own work.

Gloria comes up behind the counter, carrying the last of their order.

GLORIA: [to Billy, sounding angry:] Would you like anything else with your order, sir.

BILLY: [oblivious to Gloria’s anger:] Naw, that’s it. Thanks, babe.

Billy and El each take their tray and head to a table as Billy continues to complain.

BILLY: We threw away how many Transicon units before we got one that works?

EL: Four.

BILLY: [not paying attention:] What, three or four? Something like that. I mean—

Billy and El arrive at the table and sit down.

BILLY: What if they get a hold of one that’s got bugs in it? Huh? I’m telling you – trust me on this – this whole secrecy business is gonna pull a major boomerang on these guys. I’m telling ya.

Billy lifts up the top bun on his burger.

BILLY: Pickles! El, she put pickles on my burger!

EL: [looking at his burger] Aww, mayonnaise. Mayonnaise. [looks over his shoulder toward the counter] She’s definitely upset.

Gloria comes up to their table and sits down by El.

GLORIA: I just have a minute.

EL: Mayonnaise, Glo? This wouldn’t have anything to do with Harry, would it?

Gloria nods.

GLORIA: He called me to cancel. I swear, I don’t see how you guys could treat him like that.

Billy rolls his eyes.

BILLY: Oh, please. Glo, c’mon. I mean, we like Harry, too – we really do – a-and I feel terrible about it, you know?

Gloria listens, unconvinced; El looks uncomfortable.

BILLY: But, come on, you know Harry. Ya know, he’s always hangin’ around the lab, ya know, telling us about all his weird stuff he’s puttin’ together in his garage, right?

Billy looks to El, who agrees.

EL: Right.

Gloria is still unconvinced.

EL: [laughs] And there’s only so much Janis Joplin and outer space and robots you can talk about before you just have to draw the line.

Billy mimes “drawing the line”.

GLORIA: [scolding:] Has he ever invited you to dinner before?

Billy pauses in picking the pickles off his burger and looks up.

GLORIA: [scolding:] Do you have any idea what he had to put himself through just to ask?

Billy and El think this over.

GLORIA: [scolding:] But you guys wouldn’t go, would you? Cause you think you’re too good for ‘im.

Gloria looks from one to the other and whacks Billy on the hand.

GLORIA: [scolding:] I’m really disappointed in you.

Billy has his cup up to his mouth, unable to think of a response to all this. When there’s no sign that they’ve repented, Gloria gives them a “tsk” and leaves. El watches her go, then turns to Billy – they both know they have to go now.

BILLY: You think he’ll be serving brown rice?

========== 8:37 to 11:23 ==========

exterior (daytime) - Harry’s backyard:

The Misfits and Jane are in Harry’s backyard, eating a picnic dinner with Harry and his family - Johnny B and Josh minding the grill Harry invented.

JOHNNY B: [to Josh:] Great hamburgers, huh? Had a real ‘earthy’ taste.

JOSH: Yeah, it’s one of my dad’s greater inventions: gritty hamburgers.

Gloria (wearing Deely Boppers), Jane, and Jessica are sitting at a picnic table with Jude serving them. Billy walks up to the table and stops behind Jane. Gloria smiles - what's Billy going to say to Jane? Jane takes a big bite of her burger, then notices Billy and looks up.

BILLY: [to Jane, pointedly:] Big burgers, huh?

Jane looks at her burger as if there’s no implication to Billy’s question and nods agreeably. Billy frowns a little at this and leaves. Gloria and Jane watch him go.

GLORIA: [to Jane, accusingly:] You haven’t told him yet, have you?

Jane sighs and puts down her burger.

JANE: Gloria, look. Every time I-I start to say something, I just feel a little uncomfortable. Okay? Billy and I have a relationship. [glances toward Billy] Sort of.

Gloria rolls her eyes and points to Jane’s stomach.

GLORIA: Well, let me tell ya, you’re not exactly hiding it, okay? You should probably say something to him before he figures it out himself.

Jane nods, but doesn’t look like she’s changed her mind.

GLORIA: I tell you what: I’ll tell him.

JANE: [quickly:] No you won’t. [glances in Billy’s direction, thinking] I’ll tell him.

GLORIA: [unconvinced:] When?

JANE: At my earliest convenience.

GLORIA: [pressing:] When?

JANE: Not today.

Gloria sighs and gives up, giving Jane a last look. Jane gives Gloria a quick smile then goes back to her hamburger. A few feet away, Billy sits down by El, who’s sitting in a lawn chair, writing in a notebook. Billy looks over at Jane, who's putting on a party mask and laughing with Jessica.

BILLY: El, that’s her third burger.

El doesn’t look up.

EL: Thank you, Dr. Hayes. I’ll try to remember that.

BILLY: No, I’m serious. Is she looking a little Cabbage Patch to you these days?

El finally looks over at Jane.

JANE: [to Jessica, about the burgers:] Fabulous.

JESSICA: [with a laugh:] I know.

El turns back to Billy and gives him a look. Harry arrives with a robot waiter of his own invention, which he starts up and encourages toward the table. Harry’s dog whines as the robot passes by. Josh taps Johnny B on the shoulder and indicates the robot.

JOSH: [grinning:] Get ready for Eugene.

Eugene the Robot arrives at the table.

EUGENE: [robotically:] Hello, my name is Eugene McCarthy. Would you like some coffee?

JANE: No thanks. I’m middle of the road these days.

Harry, by the satellite dish, speaks up, a little flustered at how to introduce his big news.

HARRY: Well. I guess you all know I got something important to tell ya, and—

Everyone looks over at Harry as he continues. Meanwhile, Eugene starts pouring coffee anyway with nothing underneath and Gloria, Jane, and Jessica hurriedly grab a cup for it.

HARRY: —I’m sure a lot of you are thinking that I’ve hatched another useless gadget, but, uh, don’t bet on it. I’m— I’ve got something very big. [laughs] Something very heavy. I, uh… [enthusiastically:] I finally figured out a way to slingshot radio signals out into deep space, o-off a satellite. And finally – two nights ago – I, uh… I contacted extraterrestrials.

Johnny B smiles and looks at Josh, who has an “Oh, man, not this!” expression.

BILLY: [with a frown:] Did—did he say…?

EL: [grinning:] Martians.

BILLY: [to himself, still frowning:] Martians…

HARRY: [nodding:] Aliens.

Harry’s enthusiasm falters somewhat – he’d hoped for a better reaction. Gloria looks embarrassed for him.

HARRY: A couple of degrees north of, uh, Mars. I-I don’t know how far.

El is still smiling, wanting to be polite, but also thinking how crazy it sounds. Nobody is sure how to respond.

BILLY: Okay! Um…

JANE: [trying to make Harry feel better:] Seriously, Harry. I had a cousin whose friends lived on the next farm and they saw flying saucers.

GLORIA: Are you kidding with the flying saucers, Harry?

HARRY: Yeah, I know I—I hardly believed it myself, but— Right. Okay. I guess I better show you. C-c’mon.

Harry heads off.

========== 11:23 to 12:07 ==========

interior - Harry’s garage:

The Misfits, Jane, and Harry are in Harry’s garage - Harry typing out a message on his machinery.

Screen: there are 3 sections, SEND, RECEIVE, and TRANSICON OUTPUT. Harry types into the SEND field: Hello out there. This is Harry.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing:] Hello out there. This is Harry. Planet Earth.

Billy comes over to Harry.

BILLY: Hey, wait—wait a min—wait a minute. Harry. “Hello out there. This is Harry. Planet Earth”? [looks around] What are y—what are you using to translate here, Harry? You need a Transicon unit.

HARRY: I-I-I-I got one. One of the busted ones you guys threw out. All it needed was a couple circuits.

Harry points out the unit. Billy rolls his eyes and looks behind at El, who shakes his head.

HARRY: A-and I modified it a bit by, uh, boosting the F-ROM.

Billy crosses his arms.

Screen: Harry is sending his message again.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing:] Harry. Planet Earth.

GLORIA: What’s a “Transicon”?

Billy looks at the printout as El answers.

EL: The Transicon unit is a device we developed—

Johnny B, who’s been poking around the interesting things lying around Harry’s garage, looks through a microscope at his hand.

EL: —that translates computer input from one language or set of codes to another.

Billy looks around thoughtfully as El continues.

EL: For example, English to Chinese, man to machine...

JOHNNY B: [quips:] Madonna to Mantovani.

Gloria smiles.

BILLY: [disgruntled:] Stetmeyer said they’re using it on a goose.

========== 12:07 to 12:15 ==========

exterior (daytime) - Harry’s backyard:

Jessica and three friends are looking through the window into the garage; Josh is standing aloof.

JOSH: I can’t believe you guys are buying into this stuff.

Josh starts to walk off, disinterested in sticking around. Jessica turns to him matter-of-factly.

JESSICA: If it wasn’t true, the Misfits wouldn’t be here.

Josh keeps walking away, over to the large tree by their swimming pool.

========== 12:15 to 12:20 ==========

interior - Harry’s garage:

Harry is resending his message.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing, sounding frustrated:] Hello out there.

Gloria frowns, feeling sorry for Harry.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing, sounding frustrated:] This is Harry!

========== 12:20 to 12:30 ==========

exterior (daytime) – residential street:

A van with a dish atop it is driving slowly down a residential street.

interior - van:

Inside the van, Lead Investigator reports into his headset as he watches the multiple TV screens showing footage of outside.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: We’re getting a signal in the neighborhood. We’re trying to home in now.

========== 12:30 to 13:28 ==========

interior - Harry’s garage:

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing, sounding frustrated:] Planet Earth!

Billy crosses his arms as he, El, and Jane wait.

Screen: there’s no response.

Johnny B, looking at a spectrum chart poster on the wall, is snapping his fingers while waiting, making them spark.

HARRY: [takes off his glasses] Alright. Okay, okay. I know what you guys are thinking.

Billy, El, and Jane shuffle uncomfortably, trying not to look bored or impatient.

HARRY: You’re thinking the, uh, cloud cover’s interfering with my signal. But you’re wrong, man. Clouds are not a problem.

Harry puts his glasses back on.

EL: [reaching for an excuse:] Well, Harry, it could be electrical interference above the clouds.

HARRY: Electrical…

Harry realizes and slowly turns to look at Johnny B, who’s still snapping his fingers and sparking. Johnny B looks up.

HARRY: [smiling, but pointedly:] Interference.

Everyone else looks toward Johnny B as well. Johnny B looks down at his fingers, stops snapping, then looks back up.

JOHNNY B: [making light of it:] Uh, no problem. I tell ya what: You talk to ‘em in here, and I’ll go outside and I’ll wave to ‘em as they fly by.

Johnny B nods once, then walks off.

JANE: I have to go to the bathroom.

Billy looks at her with a frown.

BILLY: Again?

Jane leaves without replying; Billy gives El a look, then turns, still frowning, back to Harry.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing, sounding more frustrated:] Hello out there! This is Harry! Planet Earth!

Harry thumps one of the machinery parts, in case that’s all it needs to get it working.

========== 13:28 to 14:55 ==========

exterior (daytime) - Harry’s backyard:

In Harry’s backyard, Johnny B (now wearing his sunglasses) pauses by the satellite dish and notices Josh standing by the tree in moody silence. Johnny B decides that here at least he might be able to help, and walks up to the tree, singing casually.

JOHNNY B: [singing a cappella:] Splish splash, I was takin’ a bath. On about a Saturday night. Rub-a-dub-dub, I was sittin’ in a tub. Thinkin' everything was alright.

JOSH: That’s a stupid song. [annoyed:] Sixties.

JOHNNY B: It’s fifties.

Josh looks over and Johnny B gives him a smile.

JOHNNY B: But who’s countin’?

Josh looks back away, kicking his shoe in the dirt.

JOHNNY B: So, how ya doin’?

Johnny B lifts his sunglasses up to rest on his forehead and waits.

JOSH: [sighs] How would you be doing if your father was in there talkin’ to Martians?

JOHNNY B: [laughs] Why are you on his case all the time? It seems to me he’s a pretty major league guy.

Josh opens up, glad of a chance to talk about it to someone who’s willing to listen.

JOSH: We used to be real tight when I was a kid.

Johnny B takes his sunglasses all the way off, listening closely.

JOSH: I used to work in the garage with him and invent things.

Josh smiles as the fond memories come back to him, but then he shrugs them off.

JOSH: It’s fun when you’re a kid, I guess, but when you grow up…

JOHNNY B: [finishing Josh’s reasoning to show him how it sounds:] Then you’re s’posed to stop dreaming?

JOSH: Well, it depends on who’s paying for those dreams. He’s got an IQ of a hundred and ninety zillion and he’s still washing test tubes at a lab. It’s like going through twelve years of first grade, you know? He doesn’t care about his job. He doesn’t care about money. [thinks a second before speaking his next thought aloud] He just cares about what’s in that garage.

JOHNNY B: [reading between the lines:] What? And you think he doesn’t care about you?

Josh doesn’t want to think that, but he can’t help how his dad’s behavior is making him feel.

JOSH: [dejectedly:] Well, maybe if he did, he’d do a lot less dreaming.

========== 14:55 to 15:44 ==========

interior - Harry’s garage:

Harry is staring at the screen in disappointment.

HARRY: [sighs] This is a major bummer.

BILLY: [to El and Jane, quietly:] I feel terrible. This is all just to get us up here to dinner.

Screen: a short string of binary numbers appears in the RECEIVE field.

HARRY: [calling excitedly:] Hey, Jude! Josh! I got ‘em again!

Billy comes over to join Harry and stares at the screen.

Screen: binary numbers have filled the screen and are still coming.

EL: [looking at the screen, amazed:] That’s binary code.

BILLY: [profoundly:] It’s the language of the universe. The song of the stars.

Jane comes over. On the other side of the machinery, Gloria smiles excitedly.

Screen: the translation of the binary code appears in the TRANSICON OUTPUT field: Star system confirmed.

HARRY: [reading:] Star system confirmed. [gets up excitedly] Oh, Billy!

Harry crosses the garage to his clear starmap globe. Jude gives him a smile.

HARRY: This isn’t a trick. Or some fancy software. This is happening. This is real.

Billy frowns, unsure, but El is excited.

EL: [grinning:] Oh wow. You know, ever since I was a little kid, I always knew that, you know, somehow, somewhere, somebody would make contact, but this… [laughs, giddy at the thought of alien contact] This is incredible!

Jane smiles.

========== 15:44 to 15:48 ==========

interior – van:

In the van, Lead Investigator is still reporting.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [into headset:] Hold on. We’re getting some contact now.

The multiple TV screens are showing Harry’s house!

========== 15:48 to 16:26 ==========

interior - Harry’s garage:

BILLY: [being the voice of reason:] Wait a minute. We gotta find a way to confirm this, okay? I mean— We gotta find a way to prove it.

HARRY: [exasperated:] What do you want me to do, man? Ask ‘em to send a postcard?

Harry returns to his seat in front of the screen.

EL: Personally, I would like to have ‘em land, and come over to the lab.

HARRY: You got it.

El smiles and watches the screen.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing:] Invitation to dinner.

Screen: a new string of binary code appears, followed by the translation: Define dinner.

HARRY: [reading:] Define dinner. [thinks a second] Uh… [saying what he’s typing:] Feast and celebration.

Screen: TRANSICON OUTPUT: Accept very pleased. Send coordinates.

HARRY: [reading:] Accept… very pleased. Send coordinates.

BILLY: [reading with Harry, stunned:] Send coordinates.

EL: [grinning:] “Accept”? [laughs] Did they say “accept”?

Gloria grins also, but Billy just looks shocked.

EL: This is great! Great!

El hugs Jude in his excitement and he, Jude, and Jane all laugh.

HARRY: [triumphantly:] Alright!

========== 16:26 to 16:43 ==========

exterior (daytime) - Harry’s backyard:

Still looking in through the garage window, Jessica and the other 3 kids hop up and down with glee.

JESSICA: He did it! He did!

Jessica leaves the window and calls to Josh.

JESSICA: Josh, he got ‘em! They’re talking to the aliens!

Josh reacts with surprise and looks to Johnny B.

JOSH: You really think he could be onto something?

JOHNNY B: [smiling:] Do I look like an expert? What do you think?

Josh thinks it over and sighs.

JOSH: I think I’ve been down this road before.

Josh walks off; Johnny B watches him go.

========== 16:43 to 17:08 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s street:

The van drives slowly past Harry’s house.

interior – van:

Lead Investigator continues to report.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [into headset:] We’re getting some electrical flux, but the signal is strong and steady.

interior – control room:

In a control room, Jeffries is standing at a control station, receiving the report.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [from headset:] Mother Goose, we’ve made contact. Do you copy?

JEFFRIES: [into headset:] This is Mother Goose. We acknowledge contact. Contact confirmed. We’ll be sending in support.

Jeffries looks away from a clear starmap globe with a frown and a firm set to his jaw.

========== 17:08 to 18:54 ==========

interior – humanidyne computer lab:

In the computer lab, Billy and El are looking over printouts of Harry’s data. 2 techs are also at work.

BILLY: There’s no way. There’s just no way he could’ve made this stuff up. It’s just… It’s much too uptown. I mean, look at these orbit parameters. Look at this.

Billy shows the printout he’s holding to El, who’s writing down information into a notebook. El looks up with a grin.

EL: I think he’s done it, Billy. I think he’s really done it.

Dick comes striding in through the doors.

DICK: They told me this was going on a-and I didn’t believe ‘em.

Billy and El quickly stop what they’re doing and gather up the printouts. El holds the printouts inconspicuously on his lap and turns his chair toward Dick; Billy walks closer to Dick, trying to look casual. Dick pauses next to a desk and the tech working there looks up, so Dick momentarily directs his explanation toward him.

DICK: I-I-I said to myself: “How—how could they be doing this to me? They know about my ulcer.”

The tech goes back to his work as Dick turns his full annoyance on Billy and El.

DICK: Do you realize what the board would do if it found out about this? Humanidyne scientists fooling around with flying saucers. [smacks his hands together in a "quit it now" motion] Stop it.


Dick freezes in the middle of performing another "quit it now" motion and stares at Billy in surprise. El steps in.

EL: Richard, the pursuit of extraterrestrial life is a perfectly legitimate scientific concern.

Billy gives a “See? You have nothing to worry about” gesture.

DICK: [harshly:] Not when it’s led by some semi-deranged test tube washer! Billy, gimme a break.

Dick looks over and notices that, on top of it all, the tech is also out of line: eating while working.

DICK: [to tech, reprimanding:] It’s not lunchtime!

The tech sets his food down. Billy steps back in to argue for the logic of him and El continuing.

BILLY: Look. Richard, Richard, are— Richard.

Dick turns back to Billy.

BILLY: Are you asking us to turn our backs on this? Richard, turn your back on E.T.? I mean, we could be on the verge of—

DICK: Losing the last shred of respectability left you.

BILLY: Wow, Richard. I mean, we’re talking, uh, we’re talkin’ frontiers here. We’re talkin’ major breakthroughs. We’re talkin to “go where no man has ever gone before”.

Dick is unmoved.

DICK: We’re talking about a lab technician with a personal computer and a homemade radio pulsar accomplishing—

Billy waves his hands as if all this is irrelevant while Dick continues.

DICK: —what the largest telescopes, the most distant space flights and the most sophisticated research programs in the world have been unable to do. Think about that.

Billy smiles – taking this tirade for his side instead.

BILLY: I know. It’s like Harry said. It’s… far out.

DICK: [emphatically:] It’s absurd. And I’m not going to have Humanidyne implicated.

El nods, knowing what’s coming next.

DICK: [firmly:] I don’t wanna see you in this computer room anymore. I don’t want you involved in this project anymore, at all. Period.

BILLY: You know, Richard, you’re a man with a point of view. And I tell you something: we respect that. We really do.

DICK: Well, thank you.

Dick smiles, thinking he’s won, but Billy and El go back to the printouts, seemingly in no hurry to comply.

========== 18:54 to 19:26 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s street:

Bobby and Kelp are bringing Josh home on their motorcycles (Josh is riding with Kelp). They slow to a stop as they come upon the scene out front of Harry’s house.

KELP: Whoa-ho, dudes! Check it out!

Barriers and roadblocks have been set up, a whole mess of government cars are out front, and investigators are swarming around Harry’s house with purpose.

BOBBY: [to Josh, with a sneer:] Your old man really must be in trouble now.

KELP: A Steven Spielberg production. What is this, ‘E.T.’?

BOBBY: [jeeringly:] Is Captain Kirk under siege by the Klingons?

JOSH: [annoyed:] That’s funny, Bobby. Why not keep it to yourself?

BOBBY: Well, who’s gonna make me?

Josh doesn’t bother with a reply.

JOSH: [to Kelp:] I need to use your phone, alright?

KELP: [realizing how Josh must feel:] Yeah, let’s get outta here.

The 3 of them drive off.

========== 19:26 to 20:03 ==========

interior – h.i.t.:

In the lab, Harry is walking backwards, talking to Billy and El as they carry some equipment over to a desk.

HARRY: It came in this morning. [reading off the paper he’s holding:] Coordinates unacceptable. Cannot land in a populated area. [drops his arms with a sigh] Major bummer, huh?

Billy and El start setting up the equipment.

BILLY: Well, Harry, exactly what coordinates did you give ‘em?

HARRY: My house.

BILLY: Your house?!

EL: [teasing:] Well, you know how he is about these dinner invitations.

HARRY: Ah now, come on, man. I-I figured if I sent ‘em out to the desert, or someplace, I mean, Josh’d never go out to see them. So I figured if I brought ‘em to my house…

BILLY: Alright, whoa. I get the picture, Harry.

EL: Look. All we have to do is send up some new coordinates that are isolated.

HARRY: Oh. Like maybe, uh, the meadow out at Garden Grove?

Billy sits down and starts up the equipment, trying to get it to cooperate. Suddenly, Johnny B and Josh rush in.

JOHNNY B: Guys? I think we better fire up the truck.

Billy, El, and Harry all look over.

========== 20:03 to 22:18 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s street:

The Fundae drives down the street toward Harry’s house.

BILLY: [to the others:] Okay, so we’ll take the equipment back and meet the aliens up at Garden Grove, okay? And everyone relax. I mean, we’re probably blowing this thing way out of proportion.

Billy parks a short distance away from Harry’s house, where the government operation is still in full swing and a crowd has gathered outside the barriers.

interior – fundae:

BILLY: Alright. On the other hand, we might be playing this down a little.

JANE: Hayes. El, who do you think they are?

EL: Well, the government has a UFO program. Very secret. They investigate sightings and—

BILLY: And put a lid on everything they find.

EL: Right.

BILLY: [annoyed:] Just another example of classified fever. I’m telling you, they do this to us all the time. [turns and calls into the back of the Fundae] Harry!

HARRY: Yeah.

Harry comes into the cab through the curtain and glances outside.

BILLY: [to Harry:] Look, I hate to say this, man, but I don’t—

HARRY: [interrupts:] Alright, stop. Billy, I-I know what you’re thinkin’. I-I just can’t allow it.

Outside, Johnny B and Josh come over and stand at the driver’s door.

HARRY: I mean, this, uh, this could get very heavy here.

Billy tries to say something, but Harry continues, looking around at them all.

HARRY: And for you guys to get involved, I mean, jeopardize your careers and what you’re workin’ on.

BILLY: No, no, no. Harry.

HARRY: Wha—wha—what?

BILLY: No, no, I don’t think you understand what I’m trying to say—

HARRY: [interrupts:] No, no, Bill. Listen. [including the others:] You guys… You guys have done enough for me already and I re—I really appreciate it.

Billy tries to say something again, but gives up as Harry continues.

HARRY: This is just, uh, [takes off his glasses and wipes them] this is something I’m gonna have to, uh, do on my own.

Billy tries one more time, but Harry isn’t done yet.

HARRY: Josh, I want you to go over to Andrea’s house. Jessica and your mother’s there.

JOSH: [protesting:] I’m not a kid anymore.

Harry sighs, not pushing it, puts his glasses back on and leaves. Billy sighs and he and the others all look frustrated, watching Harry go off by himself.

GLORIA: It’s not fair. It’s just not fair.

JANE: I don’t understand. A guy works his whole life, finally gets one break, and they wanna take it away from ‘im.

BILLY: Alright, look. I know he’s weird, okay? But he’s one of us. Sort of. Are we just gonna let ‘im… go it alone. Just throw him out in the cold and let ‘im walk through the valley of darkness, fearing a lot of evil and— Are we just gonna stand back—

ALL: [interrupting loudly and cheerfully:] No!

BILLY: [surprised:] That was easy.

The others laugh. Billy, El, Gloria, and Jane exit the Fundae.

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s street:

Everyone heads after Harry, who hasn’t gotten very far yet.

BILLY: Hey, Harry?

Harry stops and turns to look at them all with surprise. Billy tries a half-hearted excuse for why they haven’t left yet.

BILLY: Um, listen, man, our truck won’t start and, uh… [gives up on the excuse] So we’d like to stick with ya. And help you meet those aliens up at Garden Grove.

Harry smiles. Gloria smiles also and gives him a hug.

EL: Our only problem is the goons.

El indicates the government investigators out front of Harry's house.

JOHNNY B: Yeah, well, we could use a little help.

Johnny B pokes Josh in the back. Josh turns around and Johnny B gives him a significant look.

BILLY: Alright, look. I got—I got a plan. It’s a little complicated, but I think it could work. Um… [snaps his fingers] Josh, can you drive?

========== 22:18 to 22:32 ==========

interior – fundae:

Josh is in the driver’s seat of the Fundae, happy that he’s been given this position; Billy, Johnny B, and Jane are grouped by him. Jane leans down to Billy.

JANE: [quietly:] Hayes, are you crazy? Letting this young adult drive is like letting—

BILLY: [interrupts:] It’s encouraging him to help his father. A little psychology here, Jane. Okay?

JOSH: [smiles] A little psychology.

========== 22:32 to 22:40 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s backyard:

In Harry’s backyard, Harry, Gloria, and El position themselves in the bushes and watch Backyard Investigator, who’s scanning Harry’s satellite dish.

========== 22:40 to 23:00 ==========

interior – fundae:

In the Fundae, Johnny B and Jane listen as Billy continues explaining his plan.

BILLY: I’m gonna be the decoy here, okay? And as soon as you guys see my signal, you’re on. But you gotta wait till you see my signal. Alright?

JOHNNY B: Alright.

Billy looks up at Johnny B, who grins. Billy does a double take at Johnny B’s grin, but leaves anyway. Jane turns to Josh.

JANE: [nervously:] Josh. We’ve taken driver’s education, haven’t we? Hmm? Yes?

Josh smiles and nods, busy playing with the steering wheel. Jane shakes her head, unconvinced and still nervous.

========== 23:00 to 23:31 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s backyard:

Harry, Gloria, and El sneak quickly through the bushes and stop beside a shed. They look across the yard at Backyard Investigator.

HARRY: There’s no way to get around him without being seen.

GLORIA: We gotta have a distraction.

El looks at the back porch and spots Eugene the robot.

EL: Maybe we should offer him a cup of coffee.


HARRY: What d’you mean by that?

But El, looking up from checking his watch, doesn’t answer; he just presses his neck and shrinks. Harry stares.

HARRY: That’s too heavy for me.

Gloria gives Harry an understanding look.

========== 23:31 to 23:45 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s street:

Out front of Harry’s house, Lead Investigator and another “goon” are leaning on a truck and talking. On the other side of the truck, Billy peeks up and looks through the cab window at them then ducks back out of sight. After a second, Billy stands fully up, glances at them again, and heads for one of the barriers that’s keeping the crowd out.

========== 23:45 to 24:34 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s backyard:

El, shrunk, runs through the grass toward the back porch. Backyard Investigator is still scanning Harry’s satellite dish and isn’t looking El's way. El runs further across the yard and ducks behind the base of a tree, then peeks around it to check for his next route. Gloria and Harry watch as El makes a dash for the back porch. Once there, El checks to make sure Backyard Investigator is still occupied - he is, so El takes his chance and heads for Eugene the robot. Unfortunately, to reach it he has to pass right in front of Harry’s sleeping dog. As he passes the dog, it wakes up and sees him. It whines and El freezes. Gloria and Harry look at Backyard Investigator – he’s heard the dog! The dog heads for El, who waves him back.

EL: [to dog:] No. No, no, sit!

BACKYARD INVESTIGATOR: [calling to the dog:] What you doing there, fella?

Backyard Investigator heads for the porch. El hastily hits a switch on Eugene and runs off. Eugene starts into motion and the dog whines and backs away.

HARRY: [to Gloria, whispering:] Alright. Come on, come on.

Gloria (carrying El’s clothes) and Harry run past behind Backyard Investigator toward Harry's garage. Eugene heads toward the dog, which backs up further.

EUGENE: [robotically:] Hello, my name is Eugene McCarthy. Would you like some coffee?

Gloria and Harry reach the garage and Harry crawls in through the pet door.

interior – Harry’s garage:

In the garage, 2 “goons” are surprised by Gloria and Harry crawling in and hurriedly draw their guns.

“GOON”: Hold it right there!

Gloria stands up, sees the guns, and swiftly pins the 2 “goons” against the garage door with her TK, knocking their guns out of their hands.

========== 24:34 to 25:22 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s street:

Billy ducks under the barrier then approaches Lead Investigator at the truck and taps him on the shoulder.

BILLY: Hey. Got a minute?

Lead Investigator turns to him.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: Uh, please keep to the sidewalk, sir.

Billy ignores this and pushes on.

BILLY: So what’re you guys doing? Some sort of fumigation number here, or something?

Lead Investigator receives an order over his headset and heads away; Billy follows.

BILLY: Cockroaches, huh? [as if he knows:] Yeah.


BILLY: Well, it’s okay, you can tell me, uh— Yeah. It’s alright, really, because, well, I happen to be a-a very close and personal friend of—of Eliot Ness, and—

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: That’s it, wise guy.

Lead Investigator pushes Billy up against one of the trucks; Billy raises his hands in the air. In the Fundae, Johnny B, who’s watching for Billy’s signal, sees the motion.

JOHNNY B: [to Josh:] That’s the signal! Hit it!

Lead Investigator turns Billy around to frisk him. Josh drives forward with a screech of the tires. Billy looks up and spots the Fundae coming.

BILLY: No! [with a sigh:] Not yet.

Johnny B hangs out of the passenger side and fires a bolt. The bolt hits the ground between 2 cars, sending up some white smoke and causing the group of “goons” nearby to duck for cover. On their motorcycles, behind the barrier, Bobby and Kelp react to seeing the bolt.

BOBBY & KELP: Whoa ho!

Josh careens the Fundae through first one barrier then another. The people in the Fundae’s path scatter – including Billy, who has the contents of his pockets in his hand, which he throws in the air as he runs for safety. Josh parks sharply - Jane giving a short scream as the Fundae crashes to a halt. Johnny B, then Josh (bringing the ignition keys), leap out of the Fundae.

JANE: [to Josh:] Nice stop, kid.

Johnny B and Josh run for Harry’s garage.

========== 25:22 to 25:43 ==========

interior – Harry’s garage:

In Harry’s garage, Gloria is using her TK to keep the 2 struggling “goons” pinned to the garage door while helping Harry pile the necessary equipment into the back of his car.

GLORIA: Come on, Harry. Hurry!

HARRY: Okay. I only got a couple more things. Can you hold ‘em?


HARRY: Just get the monitor. Just the monitor.

Harry hands Gloria the monitor, then runs back for a last piece as she puts it in the car. One of the “goons” sneers at Gloria. Harry hurries behind Gloria with the last piece.

HARRY: Okay. That’s it.

Gloria turns to help Harry and her telekinetic hold on the “goon” who sneered at her is loosened and he drops to the ground. Gloria hears and turns back just in time to see “the goon” reaching for his dropped gun. She uses her TK to pin him back against the garage door before he can reach it. Johnny B arrives. He walks past the 2 “goons” with a wave and an amused smile.

JOHNNY B: [to 2 “goons”:] Hi guys.

Johnny B goes to the driver’s side of Harry’s car, giving Gloria a glance.

JOHNNY B: [to Gloria:] You’re cute when you’re angry.

Gloria smiles as Johnny B and Harry get in the car.

========== 25:43 to 25:46 ==========

exterior (daytime) - Harry’s street:

No longer needing to be the decoy, Billy heads to join the others, leaping onto where the hoods of the Fundae and the government truck are touching.

BILLY: Aww, what—what a day.

Billy clambers over and runs toward Harry’s house.

========== 25:46 to 26:13 ==========

interior – Harry’s garage:

JOHNNY B: Harry, hit the door!

The garage door opens - the 2 “goons” are lifted along with it, still pinned! Johnny B drives under them out of the garage. Gloria’s telekinetic hold is broken and the 2 “goons” fall facedown off the garage door and onto the ground.

“GOONS”: Oof!

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s house:

Johnny B pulls to a stop, still in Harry’s driveway, as Billy, Jane, and Josh run up to the car. Josh gets in; Jane gives Billy a look.

JANE: [sarcastically:] Lovely drive, Hayes.

BILLY: Thank you.

Billy struggles with the door on the passenger side (where Gloria is) for a second before realizing it’s locked. He unlocks and opens the door, then looks in the car.

BILLY: Where’s El?

Gloria gives an “Oh!” expression and holds up El’s clothes as an answer. Billy takes them and closes the door.

BILLY: Go on, take off, B-Man. I’ll catch up with ya at Garden Grove.

Johnny B screeches away, crashes through another barrier, and drives off down the street. The investigators take notice.


A “goon” gets in the government truck.

“GOON”: Ice cream truck’s in the way.

Lead Investigator gets in the Fundae and notices the absence of the ignition keys.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [annoyed:] No key.

========== 26:13 to 26:48 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s backyard:

In Harry’s backyard, El is backing away from the dog.

EL: Yeah, that’s a good puppy. Good dog.

The dog comes forward, cornering El. Billy arrives and sees El’s predicament. The dog lifts its back leg up. El cringes and covers his head.

EL: Whoa, bad dog!

Billy hurries over, aiming a kick at the dog.

BILLY: [to dog, sharply:] Get outta here!

The dog runs off. El hurries to remove his tiny jogging suit.

EL: Boy, that was close.

BILLY: You’re tellin’ me.

El grows back to normal size just as Lead Investigator and one of the “goons” Gloria had pinned to the garage door come into the backyard.


BILLY: [muttering, annoyed:] Oh… [glances in the direction the dog ran off] Dog.

Lead Investigator and the other “goon” hurry over, their guns out.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: Get your hands up.

El raises his hands; Billy only raises one hand, since the other is holding El’s clothes. Lead Investigator looks at El, seeing he’s naked.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: For God’s sake, man, cover yourself.

Billy quickly gives El the pile of clothes. El starts getting dressed as Billy tries to talk them out of the situation.

BILLY: Alright, look. Well, why don’t we just—let’s all just settle down here, okay? Clearly there’s been some sort of misunderstanding and, yes, and I’d, uh, I’d really like an explanation.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: How does treason sound to ya?

Billy reacts – this can’t be good!

========== 26:48 to 27:17 ==========

exterior (daytime) –Harry’s street:

Outside Harry’s house, the van drives off with its 2 prisoners.

interior – back of van:

In the cramped back of the van, Billy and El are sitting back-to-back, tied together at the wrists.

interior - control room:

Jeffries, at the control station, listens to Lead Investigator’s report; Tech is beside him, reading a printed report; techs are moving about the room busily.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [from headset:] This is Alpha Unit Four to Mother Goose. We have two of the bogeys.

JEFFRIES: [into headset:] This is Mother Goose.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [from headset:] The others got away.

JEFFRIES: [into headset:] Okey doke. Set up the search net.

interior - van:

JEFFRIES: [from headset:] And bring in the two ya got.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [into headset:] Roger.

interior - control room:

Jeffries leans on the control station.

JEFFRIES: [to Tech:] Does this guy have any idea what the hell he’s locked himself into?

Jeffries and Tech look across the room at a monitor.

Monitor: a missile sits in readiness - primed for launch!

VOICE: [over loudspeaker:] T-minus forty-five minutes, and counting.

========== 27:17 to 27:41 ==========

interior – back of van:

In the back of the van, Billy and El are bounced around as it drives toward home base.

BILLY: No, El. I’m telling ya, you’re blowing this thing way out of proportion here, okay? They can’t hang ya for talkin’ to aliens.

EL: He said ‘treason’.

Billy rolls his eyes and notices a tag on one of the pieces of equipment: “Mother Goose”.

BILLY: [thinking:] Mother Goose.

EL: Billy. This is no time for nursery rhymes.

BILLY: No, no, no, wait a minute. What was the name of that classified project they’re using our Transicon unit on?

EL: [shrugs] “Goose” something.

========== 27:41 to 27:49 ==========

interior – van:

Lead Investigator is giving Jeffries an update.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [into headset:] This is Alpha Unit Four to Mother. We’re bringing ‘em in.

JEFFRIES: [from headset:] Alpha Unit Four, this is Mother. We copy. What’s your current twenty?

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [into headset:] We’re about eleven minutes from home.

========== 27:49 to 28:02 ==========

interior – back of van:

El is trying to get his hands free of the bonds.

BILLY: I’m telling ya, El, you gotta shrink again.

EL: I can’t. There hasn’t been enough time.

BILLY: [insistent:] Try, dammit. We gotta find out what’s going on here. And this is really uncomfortable.

exterior (daytime) – street:

The van continues toward home base.

========== 28:02 to 28:52 ==========

exterior (daytime) - Garden Grove:

equipment set-up:

(“Rocketman” starts up.)

At Garden Grove, Harry has his equipment all set up on the hood of his car and is practicing what to say when the aliens arrive.

HARRY: I’m honored to welcome you to our planet— No! That’s too uptight.

Gloria and Jane come over, unnoticed.

HARRY: What would Captain Kirk say? “Beam me aboard, Scotty.”

Harry laughs and bends down to look through his telescope. Then he notices Gloria and Jane have walked up and looks slightly embarrassed. But they both give him a smile.

JANE: That’s a good speech, Harry.

GLORIA: You’ll make ‘em feel right at home.

Gloria pats Harry on the arm.

HARRY: [laughs] This is a very far out thing that is happening to me. I never told anybody.

Gloria and Jane listen.

HARRY: I mean, I-I never even told Josh, but, uh, I always knew this was gonna happen. It’s—it’s like my karma. I’ve just hung onto the dream… and it’s all come round. Ya—ya gotta hang onto the dreams.

Gloria and Jane smile at this, then Jane gives Harry a hug.

========== 28:52 to 29:24 ==========

exterior (daytime) - Garden Grove:


(“Rocketman” still plays.)

Johnny B and Josh are leaning on a bridge railing and talking.

JOSH: He’s a little weird, that’s all.

JOHNNY B: Yeah, I’m a little weird, too. So are you. Everybody that’s worth the trouble’s a little weird.

JOSH: I know. It’s just amazing.

Josh goes to the other side of the bridge and gestures out to the sky; Johnny B follows.

JOSH: I mean, my father being be the first guy in the world to talk to aliens. That’s super weird.

Just then, a short ways away, Bobby and Kelp drive up on their motorcycles. Johnny B and Josh look over. (Sign on bridge: “No fishing from bridge.”) (The earthmover is already visible on a far hill.)

JOHNNY B: [to Josh:] Did you call ‘em?

JOSH: Are you kidding? Do you think I like being humiliated in front of my friends?

Josh leaves; Johnny B watches after him.

========== 29:24 to 29:35 ==========

interior – control room:

(“Rocketman” still plays.)

In the control room, Jeffries turns from looking at the countdown display for the missile and leans on the control station.

JEFFRIES: [to Tech:] I want this bird up and that means we gotta get people out of our hair.

Monitor: the missile sits in readiness.

VOICE: [over loudspeaker:] T-minus thirty minutes, and counting.

========== 29:35 to 30:21 ==========

exterior (daytime) - garden grove:

equipment set-up:

(“Rocketman” still plays.)

Harry looks up from his equipment as 2 motorcyclists – wearing bright yellow, almost spacesuit-looking, jumpsuits – arrive on the scene and park a few feet away. They get off and approach Harry, removing their helmets – it’s an elderly man and woman.

OLD MAN: [pointing his finger at Harry:] You the lunatic that’s talkin’ to Martians?

HARRY: [unsure how to reply:] Uh…

OLD MAN: [smiles] Eh, good for you, boy. Good for you.

Old Woman smiles and nods as Old Man continues.

OLD MAN: [points off toward town] You know, they’re puttin’ up roadblocks all over town. Tryin’ to keep us from seein’ this.

Old Man gestures for Harry to lean closer and Harry does so.

OLD MAN: [conspiratorially:] They think you’re a spy.

Harry shrugs with a weak smile.

OLD WOMAN: [to Harry:] Now, you be polite. Mind your manners with ‘em. We’ll be watching.

Old Man gives Harry a thumbs up, which Harry returns with a wink. Old Man and Old Woman put their helmets back on and return to their motorcycles. Harry thinks for a second before going back to his equipment.

(“Rocketman” stops.)

========== 30:21 to 31:00 ==========

exterior (daytime) – cornfield:

The van drives through a path in a cornfield.

interior – back of van:

BILLY: It’s got me concerned, you know? I mean, Jane’s looking like a blonde Shamu. I don’t now, maybe it’s stress. You know? Some people eat when they have a problem.

EL: [sighs] Leave it alone, Billy.

BILLY: Hey, listen, El. A human being is reaching out.

exterior (daytime) – cornfield:

The van screeches to a halt deep in the cornfield.

interior – back of van:

Billy and El are knocked sideways as the van parks.

interior – van:

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [into headset:] This is Alpha Unit Four. Permission to come home.

interior – back of van:

BILLY: [whispers:] El, it’s now or never.

EL: [whispers:] Okay. Press my neck.

BILLY: [repeating to himself:] Press your neck…

Billy attempts to do so with the back of his head while going back to his worries about Jane.

BILLY: Listen, she can’t go on eating like that, okay? I mean, it could be serious. Can you get up a little?

El scoots up a little.

BILLY: I mean, if she had bad breath we’d say something. I mean, what are friends for? El, it’s up to us—

EL: Billy! Billy, she’s fine.

BILLY: El, she’s fat.

EL: She’s pregnant.

BILLY: What?!

Billy jerks in surprise - just the thing to press El’s neck. El shrinks.

========== 31:00 to 31:28 ==========

exterior (daytime) – cornfield:

The “goon” who was driving the van comes around to the back door and opens it. El, shrunk, is waiting for him.

EL: Boo!

The “goon” steps back in surprise. Billy leaps forward onto the “goon” and they tumble to the ground outside. Lead Investigator gets out of the passenger side of the van and sees what’s going on.

EL: The gun, Billy!

Billy stands up off the unconscious “goon”, grabbing the gun. He cocks it and points it at Lead Investigator.

EL: Now what? There’s nothing here but corn.

BILLY: Could be some kind of landing site, or something, you know? [to Lead Investigator:] You wanna tell me what’s goin’ on here?

Lead Investigator, hands raised, laughs.

LEAD INVESTIGATOR: [lying through his teeth:] Just growing sorghum.

========== 31:28 to 31:44 ==========

interior – control room:

Monitor: the missile sits in readiness.

VOICE: [over loudspeaker:] T-minus twenty-one minutes, and counting.

Jeffries is standing at the control station, rubbing his head as if he's worn out (he has a large drink in front of him too!). Tech joins him to report.

TECH: The van just arrived with the two clipped pigeons.

JEFFRIES: We’re still gettin’ interference. Countdown remains conditional until we get ‘em all.

Jeffries takes his glass and leaves.

========== 31:44 to 32:00 ==========

exterior (daytime) – garden grove:

In Garden Grove, there’s a modest crowd gathered, including: some ladies who are rolling out a sign that says: “Garden Grove Ladies Auxilliary Welcomes Spacepersons.”; a guy carrying a sign that says: “Go Home Aliens”; some rich-looking people and their fancy car; and a man with his wife and 2 kids. Everyone is watching the sky and waiting in anticipation.

MAN WITH CHILDREN: [to another spectator:] Of course, I’ve seen UFO’s before, but the kids never have. Figured this’d be a good opportunity for ‘em.

equipment set-up:

At the equipment set-up, Harry greets Jude and Jessica, who have just arrived in Jude’s car. Harry laughs and rubs Jessica’s hair; Jude runs over and hugs Harry.

JUDE: Hi, honey. I’m so proud of you.

========== 32:00 to 32:57 ==========

exterior (daytime) – cornfield:

In the cornfield, Billy puts the finishing touches on the ropes binding the “goon” and Lead Investigator back-to-back as El comes around the side of the van, finishing dressing. Billy stands up, his mind on El’s statement from earlier.

BILLY: Nope. I don’t buy it, El. I tell ya, I don’t buy it. I mean, if Jane were really pregnant, we’d both know about it.

EL: [simply:] I do know.

Billy looks at El, who’s putting his Misfits jacket back on.

BILLY: How? H—how ya gonna know something like that, El? I mean, you don—you don’t really know. If you stop and you think about this, and look, I—I think you’ll find you’re guessin’. You’re kinda guessin’ on this, El.

El is only half-listening, busy looking around and wondering why they’ve been brought here.

BILLY: You really are. You—you’re, um… [demands suddenly:] Why would she tell you and not me? Huh?

El doesn’t wish to answer, so he gives Billy an “I surrender” gesture.

EL: Okay, alright. I’m guessing. Billy, we got a problem here. [looks around and sighs] There must be something here. I mean, they didn’t haul us up here for a corn roast.

Billy mouths another question to himself, still thinking about Jane.

EL: Whatever it is, it’s gotta be—

BILLY: [absently:] Underground.

Billy realizes what this means and turns a shocked look to El, whose face is showing his shock also. Suddenly a voice shouts out.

MP: Halt!

2 MP’s are running toward Billy and El, who quickly take off through the corn. The 2 MP’s follow.

EL: Where are we going?

BILLY: How should I know? You think I can see?

Billy and El run past something sticking out of the ground.


Billy and El come back and look: it’s a large hatch.

BILLY: Escape hatch?

EL: Worth a try.

They reach to open it.

========== 32:57 to 34:15 ==========

interior – bunker:

Underground, Billy and El hurry down a spiral concrete staircase then run down a corridor.

BILLY: Well, then, whose baby is it anyway?

EL: Aw, Billy.

BILLY: [accusingly:] You know, don’t you, El? You better tell me. I’m telling ya, I’ll find out! You better tell me now!

EL: Alright! Alright, alright. Her husband.

Billy and El turn a corner and stop – ahead of them, MP’s are running their way.

EL: Whoa!

BILLY: Her what?!

EL: Her husband. Come on!

BILLY: Her hu—

El grabs Billy’s jacket, dragging him into action, and they run down another corridor.

BILLY: Married? You mean, all this time—she’s been married all the time and she wouldn’t go out with us cause she was married?

EL: Separated, Billy.

BILLY: Separated? [stops running, confused] Separated from what?

El skids to a stop as, ahead of them, MP’s come around the corner into this corridor also.

EL: Whoa!

El runs back toward Billy.

EL: Her husband! Come on!

BILLY: Her husband?

El grabs Billy’s jacket, dragging him into action again, and they run down some steps.

EL: Her husband!

Billy and El run up a different set of steps and down the other side.

BILLY: I mean, this husband guy, who is he?

EL: Billy, forget about you and Jane. We’re looking for Mother Goose.

A second later, 4 MP’s run over the same steps, but Billy and El have crouched off to the side out of sight and the MP’s continue on without noticing them. Billy and El wait a second, then check for anyone else coming. No one is, so Billy looks to El, who nods. They get up and run back over the steps in the direction they just came. Billy loses his footing and El lifts him by the scruff of his jacket, hauling him over the steps, and they hurry on their way. El notices a room off to the side.

EL: Billy! In here.

El pulls Billy into the room.

BILLY: [off what’s in the room:] I don’t think so, El.

interior – missile silo:

Billy and El slowly look up at the missile.

EL: Uh oh. Mother Goose.

VOICE: [over loudspeaker:] T-minus five minutes, and counting.

BILLY: El, this is not my idea of a fairy tale.

An MP calls out behind them.

MP: Put your hands in the air!

Billy and El exchange “We’re sunk” glances, then raise their hands and head toward the door.

========== 34:15 to 34:23 ==========

exterior (daytime) – garden grove:

equipment set-up:

Harry, Gloria, Jane, Jude, and Jessica are all grouped around the equipment now.

GLORIA: Something wrong, Harry?

HARRY: Uh, they’re just, uh, holding. Says “Rendezvous should be delayed”. They’re, uh, holding.

========== 34:23 to 35:05 ==========

interior – control room:

In the control room, Jeffries is leaning on the control station, complaining (his glass is empty now).

JEFFRIES: The bird in that silo is a top-secret orbiting delivery system for nuclear warheads and you’re tellin’ me he’s able to do this because he has another one of your Transicon units?

Jeffries paces behind Billy and El, who are watching the monitor that shows the missile. Billy turns to look at some of the other machinery.

JEFFRIES: It was supposed to be one-of-a-kind. Why didn’t you tell us about it?

Jeffries arrives back at the control station and looks at Tech.

JEFFRIES: [to Tech:] You see what happens when you go to private contractors.

Billy is annoyed by this and confronts Jeffries.

BILLY: [angrily:] Hey, hey. Wait a minute here, Mr. Classified Goose. Let me tell you something. If you guys had been talking to us, we might have been talking to you. Hell, we didn’t know we were giving directions to a damn ballistic missile!

El joins them, stepping in before Billy can get too worked up.

EL: Easy, Billy. [to Jeffries:] Look. Harry salvaged a non-working unit out of the garbage.

JEFFRIES: [skeptically:] And he got it workin’ again?

EL: Not only that, but he’s modified it and he’s boosted it so that it’s three or four times as powerful as yours. [sighs and turns to Billy] It looks like we all underestimated Harry.

========== 35:05 to 35:19 ==========

exterior (daytime) – garden grove:

equipment set-up:

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing:] Desire rendezvous now. Instructions?

Screen: TRANSICON OUTPUT: Active launch code 2137.

(Small discrepancy here between ‘active’ and ‘activate’.)

HARRY: [reading:] Activate launch code two, one, three, seven. [thinks] Must be coming from a mother ship.

========== 35:19 to 35:30 ==========

interior – control room:

BILLY: [seriously:] Look, Jeffries. You launch that thing and I’m telling ya right now, it’s gonna land smack dab in the middle of Garden Grove.

Jeffries thinks this over.

========== 35:30 to 35:38 ==========

exterior (daytime) – garden grove:

equipment set-up:

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing:] two, one, three, seven.

Gloria, Jane, Jude, and Jessica look on.

Screen: SEND: 2137 ready.

========== 35:38 to 36:00 ==========

interior – control room:

Jeffries stands up from the countdown station and gives orders into his headset. (His badge says “Amison”)

JEFFRIES: [into headset:] Garden Grove Meadow. That’s affirmative. We don’t resume countdown until he’s in custody.

Monitor: the missile sits in readiness.

Tech, at the control station, is watching his monitors.

TECH: Countdown resuming on its own!

Billy, El, Jeffries, and another tech hurry over.

BILLY: [to Tech:] Abort! [to Jeffries:] Abort this launch, Jeffries!

JEFFRIES: [to Tech:] Shut her down.

TECH: It’s not responding!

El looks at Billy.

EL: Harry.

Billy looks at El – now what?

========== 36:00 to 36:09 ==========

exterior (daytime) – garden grove:

equipment set-up:

HARRY: [reading:] Launch sequence set. Coordinates locked and set!

Harry turns to the others with a smile.

HARRY: [excitedly:] Alright! Break out the good dishes.

Everyone cheers. Harry hugs Gloria and Jane with Jessica joining in.

HARRY: [excitedly:] Alright!

========== 36:09 to 36:31 ==========

interior – missile silo:

Missile launches.

interior – control room:

Billy, El, and Jeffries watch the monitor in shock.


BILLY: Oh my god.

Monitor: the missile heads upwards.

========== 36:31 to 36:50 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – earth:

The missile flies in its orbit above the Earth.

VOICE: [over loudspeaker:] Mother goose has reached stable orbit. She’s in stable orbit now.

interior – control room:

JEFFRIES: Can you get her to respond?

Tech types in some commands on a keyboard – to no avail.

VOICE: [over loudspeaker:] I’m trying, but it’s negative. She’s on her own.


Jeffries strides across the room angrily.

VOICE: [over loudspeaker:] Coordinates fixed and locked.

Billy looks at El, who looks at his watch, then they both look at a monitor.

========== 36:50 to 37:43 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – garden grove:

equipment set-up:

HARRY: [reading:] Coordinates fixed and locked. [laughs] [to Jude:] Isn’t this exciting?

Harry and Jude laugh and hug.


A short ways away, Gloria and Jane, sitting on the ground leaning against the bridge railing, are watching Harry and Jude being a happy couple.

GLORIA: Jane. You were talking to me about—about Mark.

JANE: [sighs reflectively] Look. Maybe it wasn’t as bad as I said it was. It’s just that… sometimes I felt like I ranked somewhere between his racquetball and waxing the Beamer*. [simply:] We split up.


Jane falls silent. Gloria turns to Jane sympathetically and gives her a hug, one hand on Jane’s stomach.

GLORIA: [smiling:] It’s not such a bad going-away present.

JANE: [both sad and happy] It’s the best thing he ever did.

========== 37:43 to 37:47 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – earth:

The missile flies in its orbit above the Earth.

========== 37:47 to 39:58 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – garden grove:

equipment set-up:

At the equipment set-up, Harry has a sandwich and coffee; Jude is looking out at the night sky. Harry looks up and catches sight of a floating light on the horizon. He stares, tapping Jude on the shoulder.

HARRY: Hey, Jude.

Jude turns around to look.


Gloria and Jane notice the light and stare also. The light flashes as it comes closer

equipment set-up:

Harry smiles excitedly, his food forgotten.

JUDE: [realizing this is it:] Oh my god, Harry, they’re coming. [remembering:] Jessica.

Jude steps over to wake Jessica, asleep in Jude’s car.

JUDE: Jessica, wake up! Wake up, here it is!

Jude’s car:

Jude rouses Jessica, who sits up and looks out the car window at the light. The light flashes again as it comes ever closer. Johnny B, leaning against Jude’s car, turns to watch the approaching light. A few feet away, Josh, Bobby, and Kelp watch also.

equipment set-up:

Harry looks at his equipment.


Gloria and Jane stare.

Jude’s car:

Jessica watches eagerly.

equipment set-up:

Harry stares at the light, which is almost blinding now. The light comes fully into view – it’s a helicopter!


GLORIA: That’s no spaceship. That’s a helicopter.

Jude’s car:

Bobby looks bored that this is all it is.

VOICE: [from helicopter:] Please clear the area. Clear the area at once.

equipment set-up:

Harry watches the helicopter land.

VOICE: [from helicopter:] Please clear the area.


Gloria helps Jane stand up, then Jane returns the favor.

equipment set-up:

Harry, shaking his head at himself for getting fooled, freezes – there’s another light on the horizon! He lifts his glasses briefly to squint at it.

HARRY: [calls:] No! No, no, no. Don’t go, don’t go! Don’t go, there it is!

Harry points excitedly at this second light – it must be the aliens this time!

HARRY: There it is, right on time! [points] There!

Billy, El, Jeffries and some soldiers exit the helicopter and run toward where Harry is. Billy encounters Jane on the way. He pauses and gives her stomach a look before running on. Jane watches after Billy for a second, looking confused, then she and Gloria look around at the soldiers as they run past behind them.

SERGEANT: [to the other soldiers:] Let’s go, let’s go! (names), let’s take the perimeter! Give me a hand!

The helicopter returns to the air. Harry points at the second light as Billy and El run up.

HARRY: [excitedly:] Hey, look up there! Guys, you’re just in time.

Billy grabs Harry’s arm.

BILLY: [firmly:] Now, Harry, listen to me. They’re not aliens, man. [sighs] Harry, it’s a missile.

Harry glances toward the second light.

HARRY: [scoffing:] No.

BILLY: I’m sorry.

Billy walks off and Harry looks to El for confirmation.

EL: [sadly:] It’s true, Harry. You’ve been talking to a missile.

Jude runs up as Harry stares at the second light in horror.

HARRY: Oh my god. What’ve I done?

The missile comes closer.

========== 39:58 to 40:23 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – garden grove:

Jude’s car:

Jessica hurriedly gets out of the car.

VOICE: [from helicopter:] Please clear the area. There are no aliens. Repeat, there are no aliens.

Soldiers run past Johnny B and Josh, calling to the people still gathered.

SERGEANT: Clear this area!

Johnny B looks at Josh, who sighs.

JOSH: [angrily:] He did it to me again.

Josh steps over to Bobby and Kelp and gets on the motorcycle behind Kelp.

JOSH: Let’s get outta here.

VOICE: [from helicopter:] Please clear the area. This is for your own safety.

BOBBY: [to Josh:] Your old man. He’s a total flake.

JOSH: Shut up, Bobby. You got a big mouth.

JOHNNY B: [to Josh, disapprovingly:] What, you leavin’?

JOSH: [protesting:] I don’t have a reason to stay.

JOHNNY B: He’s your old man. Thinka one.

Josh just shakes his head and puts on his helmet, then he, Bobby, and Kelp drive off. Johnny B turns away, back toward the missile.

VOICE: [from helicopter:] Repeat, please clear the area. There are no aliens.

The missile comes closer.

========== 40:23 to 41:53 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – garden grove:

equipment set-up:

Billy is back at Harry’s side.

BILLY: Harry, ya gotta turn it. Talk to it!

HARRY: You-you can’t talk to a missile once it re-enters. I mean, I-I don’t have the equipment.

Jeffries listens, looking off toward the missile.

BILLY: El, any ideas?

EL: It depends on his last transmission.

HARRY: [embarrassed:] Soup’s on.

EL: ”Soup’s on”?

Billy and El give Harry “You didn’t?” looks and Harry makes an “I know, I know, it was silly” expression.

EL: [shaking his head:] I don’t know. The translator will trace back through its transformational codes. I’d stick to food codes for sure.

BILLY: Cancel dinner!

EL: It’s worth a try, Harry.

BILLY: [urging:] Cancel dinner.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing:] Dinner cancelled.

Jeffries turns back to the group.

JEFFRIES: You gotta move it, not cancel.

Harry quickly types the new message.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing:] Dinner moved.

Screen: SEND: Dinner moved.

Harry, Billy, and El watch the screen intently.

Screen: there’s no response.

El slumps, disappointed it didn’t work; Billy whacks Harry’s car in frustration, then walks off. Harry puts his hand to his head, worried.

HARRY: Uh… I don’t have enough boost without the satellite dish. I-I don’t have the antenna power I need.

Jude’s car:

Billy pauses by Jude’s car and looks off toward where activity is still going on.

BILLY: [calling to the soldiers:] Get those people outta here! Come on!

Billy leans against the car, trying to think of a way out of this mess.

BILLY: [to himself:] Come on, Bill.

equipment set-up:

Harry looks at his equipment then up at the sky – the missile is still coming.

Jude’s car:

Billy spots an earthmover on a far hill.

BILLY: Wait. Wait a minute. I got it! [calls:] El, you see the earthmover?

equipment set-up:

El and Harry look over at Billy.

EL: Yeah, so?

El heads toward where Billy is.

BILLY: The Lewis Effect.

Jefferies looks toward the earthmover.

Jude’s car:

EL: Of course! The false magnetic field. If we can get Johnny B to store up an electrical storm in it…

Billy continues the thought as he and El rejoin Harry.

equipment set-up:

BILLY: We can create a gigantic electromagnetic antenna and…

Billy pauses and he and El wait, hoping Harry has the finish to the thought.

HARRY: And if I beam my pulse at the antenna… [thinks for a second] [confidently:] It’ll work.

Harry nods and El smiles.

BILLY: [looking to Jeffries:] It’ll work?

JEFFRIES: [skeptically:] You’re gonna turn the tractor into an antenna?

El’s smile drops off; Billy turns to Harry, who looks up from his equipment to stare at Jeffries.

JEFFRIES: I don’t think so.

There’s no time for any second thoughts though – and if anyone can do it, it would be Harry.

BILLY: Do it, Harry.

Harry starts typing.

========== 41:53 to 42:19 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – garden grove:

top of a rise:

At the top of a rise, Josh, Bobby, and Kelp have parked. Josh gets off the motorcycle.

JOSH: I gotta go back. [hands his helmet to Kelp] Here.

KELP: Why? It’s a wash, man.

JOSH: [shrugs] I don’t know. He once put a motor on my rollerskates.

BOBBY: [jeeringly:] Yeah, and it didn’t work. Your old man’s never done anything right and he never will.

JOSH: [angrily:] Just shut up, Bobby. Stay outta my face.

BOBBY: [challenging:] Or what?

Bobby gets off his motorcycle and confronts Josh.

BOBBY: [jeeringly:] I don’t see any little green men runnin’ around here. Do you, Josh?

Josh looks at Kelp, shrugs, then punches Bobby. Bobby falls to the ground and Kelp gives a “Score!” gesture. Josh runs down the hill, passing Sergeant.

SERGEANT: You can’t go down there. You can’t go down there!

Josh doesn’t stop.

JOSH: My father’s down there.

SERGEANT: [calling after Josh:] It’s a missile!

========== 42:19 to 42:54 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – garden grove:

Billy, heading for Johnny B, is stopped by Jane.

JANE: Billy.

BILLY: Hey, Jane.

JANE: You know, huh?

Billy thinks for a moment of what to say and decides on the simple answer - also, any doubts he had are erased by the way she said it!

BILLY: Yeah.

JANE: I’m sorry.

Billy starts to protest, but Jane stops him.

JANE: I’m sorry. I should’ve said something.

BILLY: [softly:] I’m sorry, too.

Jane smiles, glad he’s taking it so well.

JANE: No more fat jokes?

BILLY: [laughs] No more fat jokes. Hey, listen, it’s better than an eating disorder, huh?

Jane smiles wryly.


Billy puts his hand under Jane’s chin and they look into each other’s eyes.

========== 42:54 to 43:25 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – garden grove:

equipment set-up:

Josh reaches the equipment set-up, at a run.

JOSH: Dad! Dad.

Josh stops next to Harry. Harry looks up with a smile, glad to see him.

HARRY: Josh!

Harry’s smile fades as he remembers the situation.

HARRY: [admits:] It’s not a spaceship.

Harry and Josh study each other for a second and Josh realizes he’s okay with it and wants to help save the day.

JOSH: I know. What can I do?

Harry looks heartened that Josh has had a change of heart, then gets back to the matter at hand.

HARRY: Pulser’s floating. I-I can’t get antenna power. I’ve really screwed up.

JOSH: I can run the pulser.

Harry beams and Josh smiles.

HARRY: [claps Josh on the shoulder] You got it.

Josh hurries to the pulser.

HARRY: [instructing:] Five twenty seven.

========== 43:25 to 45:48 ==========

exterior (nighttime) – garden grove:

Jude’s car:

At Jude’s car, Billy is instructing Johnny B about what they need done.

BILLY: Now, B-Man, you gotta electrify that thing. You gotta get a current running through it.

Johnny B turns to look at the earthmover.

BILLY: Now, can you handle that much juice?

Johnny B shrugs, opting for confidence rather than worrying about the danger.

JOHNNY B: Seems like a good time to find out.

Johnny B heads off toward the hill. Gloria stops him as he passes her.

GLORIA: [worriedly:] Johnny B! Would you think about this for—

Johnny B just speedruns off, leaving Gloria to look tearfully and accusingly toward Billy.


Johnny B ends his speedrun at the earthmover and leaps onto it. He scrambles nimbly across it to the front end and jumps down into the scoop, facing the sky. He takes his sunglasses from his jacket pocket, blows on them, and puts them on. He grasps the top of the scoop with one hand and starts pouring his electrical charge into the metal. He puts his other hand into position and adds more power - the electricity arcs across the scoop. After a second or so, the entire earthmover is crackling with electricity.

equipment set-up:

El, manning the antenna, points it directly at the now-charged earthmover.

EL: [to Josh:] Go.

Josh adjusts the pulser.

BILLY: [tensely:] Now, Harry. Send it now.

HARRY: [saying what he’s typing:] Moving dinner.


Johnny B keeps the current running through the earthmover as the missile comes closer.

equipment set-up:

Screen: TRANSICON OUTPUT: Send new coordinates.

HARRY: [reading:] Send new coordinates.

Billy and Harry are thinking “Where?” when Jeffries speaks up.

JEFFRIES: Tell it two degrees north.

Harry types in the new coordinates.

JEFFRIES: [sighs] Six hundred and twenty million dollars into the side of the mountain.

Harry turns to Jeffries, a little concerned at this.

HARRY: I’m not gonna be expected to pay for that, am I?

BILLY: [nudging Harry:] Again, Harry. Send it again.

Josh watches the missile; El squeezes his eyes shut, willing this to work.


Johnny B adds some charge.

equipment set-up:

Gloria, Jane, and Jude watch. El adjusts the antenna.

BILLY: Send it again.

Harry does so.


Johnny B adds some more charge.

equipment set-up:

Gloria, Jane, and Jude cringe as the missile comes ever closer. El adjusts the antenna.

Missile POV: it changes course and turns to the right.


Johnny B keeps up the increased charge as the missile gets closer.

equipment set-up:

BILLY: Send it again.

Screen: SEND: 2133.

El adjusts the antenna.


Johnny B keeps up the increased charge as the missile gets closer still.

equipment set-up:

Gloria, Jane, and Jude cringe further.

Screen: TRANSICON OUTPUT: New coordinates accepted.

HARRY: [reading:] New coordinates accepted. [excitedly:] Alright!

Everyone is bathed in a red light as the missile passes by overhead, the force of it sending up a strong wind.


Johnny B turns to leave the earthmover. A second later, the missile hits the earthmover with a large explosion and is enveloped in smoke, the night sky lit by the bright flash.

equipment set-up:

El, Gloria, Jane and Jude react, then Jude rushes off to her family. Billy joins the others and they exchange glances with him, silently asking “What if Johnny B didn’t get away?”.

BILLY: [trying to convince the others as well as himself:] He’s okay. I’m sure he’s okay.

GLORIA: [tearfully:] Johnny B…

Gloria runs toward the earthmover; the other 3 continue to look worried. Over at Harry’s car, Jude gives Harry a hug as Josh looks on with a smile.

JUDE: Honey, you did your best. And that’s what counts.

Behind them, the Misfits and Jane come up – Johnny B with his hair looking positively Beetlejuice!

JOHNNY B: [quips to Harry:] Maybe it wasn’t aliens, but it was a pretty good show.

Everyone laughs, and hugs and claps on the back are traded around. Harry and Josh hug – proud of each other.

========== 45:48 to 46:53 ==========

exterior (daytime) – Harry’s house:

Outside Harry’s garage, Harry, Jude, Josh, El, Johnny B, Gloria, and Jane are all gathered.

HARRY: Gosh, I just— [shakes his head] I really don’t know what to say.

GLORIA: [giving Harry a hug] That’s okay, Harry. You don’t have to say anything.

HARRY: Oh yes I do, I do. If it hadn’t been for you guys… I mean, I thought I was really up the river. But Jeffries said that I uncovered some serious security flaw in his system and he’s offered me a job.

Johnny B heads for the Fundae.

HARRY: But I can’t work for those guys. I mean, what a cosmic shift this is.

Billy exits the garage and joins the group, tapping Harry on the shoulder.

BILLY: Harry, listen, um... I just got finished talking with Stetmeyer, you know? And, uh, for some reason… [looks at El for a second before continuing] Uh… He seemed to want to move you up to full research scientist and give you your own lab in another building.

Harry’s mouth drops open in surprise; El and Josh break into grins.

BILLY: Welcome aboard.

Billy holds out his hand to shake.

HARRY: [excitedly:] Far out! Alright!

Harry exchanges low-fives with Billy and El, then hugs Jude and spins her around. Gloria and Jane hug, then do a group hug with Harry and Jude. Meanwhile, Billy and El shake hands as El wonders something.

EL: How’d you do that?

BILLY: [evasively:] We’ll talk about it later.

Billy heads for the Fundae.

EL: Wait, wait, wait. You didn’t tell Stetmeyer that we were gonna do that toxic waste program?

Billy gives a short laugh at the absurdity of that, then confesses, still being evasive.

BILLY: Not exactly.

EL: “Not exactly”? Billy, what does that mean? [annoyed:] I hate that. “Not exactly”.

El heads after Billy.

BILLY: It means not exactly, El. It means that’s not exactly the position.

Josh comes over to Johnny B, in the driver’s seat of the Fundae, and they trade handshakes.

JOSH: See ya later.

JOHNNY B: Take it easy, kid.

JOSH: Alright.

Billy and El get in the passenger side of the Fundae and head through the curtain into the back.

BILLY: [placating:] Toxic waste is a good thing, maybe. It’s a good thing. It works.

EL: [aghast:] Billy, toxic waste is toxic waste! It’s disgusting!

Gloria and Jane get in the Fundae as Johnny B starts it up. Johnny B gives Harry a “Keep it real’ parting gesture and backs out the driveway. Josh rejoins Harry and Jude and they wave as the Fundae drives off. Gloria and Jane wave back.

========== 46:53 to 47:56 ==========

interior – Harry’s garage:

In Harry’s garage, Harry and Josh are preparing to work.

HARRY: [to radio:] Music.

The voice-activated radio comes on and an 80’s song is playing. Josh thinks for a minute.

JOSH: [to radio:] Uh, too 80’s.

The radio changes station, to one playing “I Heard It Through The Grapevine”. Suddenly the printer comes to life and starts making a printout of binary numbers. Harry and Josh stare at the screen.

HARRY: [amazed:] I don’t believe it.

Screen: binary numbers are filling it.

HARRY: [amazed:] I don’t believe it.

Josh walks around to the other side of the desk and grabs pencil and paper.

JOSH: What is it, Dad?

HARRY: [excitedly:] They’re talking to us again!

Printout: Translation: New coordinates received. Estimated arrival. 726 Earth years.

HARRY: [reading:] New coordinates received.

Josh waits, pencil and paper at the ready.

HARRY: [reading:] Estimated arrival, seven hundred and twenty-six… Earth years.

Josh grins and moves to go tell the rest of the family.

HARRY: Josh!

Josh stops.

HARRY: Maybe we just better keep this to ourselves.

Josh realizes what Harry is implying and grins. Harry winks back. Josh sets down the pencil and paper and hits the button on the garage door remote. The door closes as Harry and Josh study the printout.

exterior – night sky:

The stars twinkle cosmically.

========== 47:56 to 48:30 ==========


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